My nine-year-old nephew Jamie Bray died in a tragic accident last week, getting caught in a rope swing in his garden, breaking his neck in the fall and ending up hung by the rope.
Since then I have had to deal with the press. Being a journalist on the receiving end of journalism is an eye-opener. And the first thing I have noticed is just how good the local press is and how lazy the nationals are.
Give me a job to do
Jamie died early evening on Tuesday 13 July. We rushed down on Wednesday. I offered to handle the press – we all want to feel useful in these circumstances.
My sister and her husband were adamant they wanted nothing to do with the media. I didn’t push it. I wish I had. The first journalists turned up on the doorstep the next day (up a private road).
By Friday the family realised they needed somebody to deal with the journalists. Someone claiming to be from Love It magazine had phoned to offer cash and other fresh-faced reporters had knocked on the door – why do only the most junior hacks have to do the death knock?
Handling the media
I drafted a statement. I had to convince my sister to include details as I knew that was what the press would want. I made a comment – an uncle is a close enough relative. And we asked a professional photographer who had a great photo of Jamie for permission to use the pic in the papers.
Hampshire police could not issue the statement in full. The details of the accident came from the pathologist. The police can only issue details released by the coroner, who had not yet ruled.
This meant the accident was open to misinterpretation – we could not state that it was a rope swing, for example. I asked that my details be included in the edited statement and that the press contact me.
Quality local journalism
The phone did not stop ringing. Over the next few days I spoke with all the local papers and PA’s southern office, emailed Meridian TV and did four local radio interviews. I also contacted the Southern Daily Echo reporter, Julian Robinson, who had broken the story using Facebook comments from my sister.
The Echo story was syndicated. The Telegraph ran it virtually word for word but added its best guess at my sister’s house price – £800,000 it speculated. For rich parents this is a tragic accident. For poor parents, no doubt, it would have been negligence.
The BBC website used the police-issued information without calling, so missed out on the extra detail I could have given to clarify the story. The Sunday Times, Mail and others pieced together the issued statement from PA copy and excerpts from the syndicated local paper stories.
Wot, no national press calls?
Not a single national news organisation rang me. I am guessing most did not contact Hampshire police, so would not have got my statement with my contact details. They relied on PA and cuttings. It was classic “churnalism”.
Not all the local papers can be proud. After getting my statement issued though the police and having seen rival papers out-scoop and take a more news-focused attitude (see the billboard photo), the News in Portsmouth sent a reporter to doorstep my sister. He was met with a torrent of abuse.
Just as a warning to others: Jamie’s pump action water gun is now by their front door loaded with horse piss. Please stay away, for your own health and safety.
This was on Sunday. I tried to contact the News, with no luck. I called the police media officer, who called the crime reporter, who said it was unlikely to have been the News behaving like that. Later that night I did get confirmation from the News that it was them – and an apology.
Error of judgment
The News accepted it was an error of judgment by the news editor to send a doorstepper rather than to phone me. Rory O-Keefe, the political editor, emailed and then we spoke on Monday morning.
Agency SWNS also called my sister yesterday offering money for the story – there is just no way they would accept money and you have to admit it is sick of the agency to even offer.
Tributes to Jamie
I am compiling tributes to Jamie from friends and family and am gathering more photos that can be used. I know the press will want to keep the story going until the funeral on Monday. I am trying to give the press what they want without it impacting on my sister and the rest of our family.
My big concern now is a media scrum at the funeral. Even one snapper trying to get shots of the grieving parents etc will be too much. I will have my sister’s eulogy to Jamie available to the press. I can even report details of the service. I hope in exchange they will leave us alone.
A private affair
My sister is not me. She is an inherently private person, as is her husband. They have never courted publicity. They have never sought to be in the press. They are not celebrities. I ask the press of consider that and leave them alone.
Wheal Associates
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The Longest Day
Thanks, Chris.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Louise Bolotin, Jonathan Hewett, Lesley Smith, Michael Cross, Jo Wadsworth and others. Jo Wadsworth said: Reading @whealie's account of being at the receiving end of a death knock http://tinyurl.com/38x8u8p (cc @dankerins) [...]
Wow, what a powerful story Chris, and an important insight from someone who has seen both sides of the coin. I am fortunate in that I only ever had to do one ‘death knock’ as a junior reporter, but that was enough. It’s one of the reasons I left news for features, I just didn’t want to be involved in that kind of pushing. Anyway, well done on a brave and important post.
PS. Though there are never the right words for this, I am really sorry about your nephew
A very interesting and moving piece. This is never an easy job and one which calls for the utmost decorum and diplomacy. I agree the offer of money by the agency was appalling. That should never have happened. However, some people in grief DO wish to talk, especially to the local paper. I recall in my first month as a trainee on the Whitley Bay Guardian having to knock the door of a family whose five year old daughter had drowned in a back garden swimming pool FOUR HOURS earlier. It was my first death knock and I had no idea what to do. But I was polite, introduced myself properly and was promptly invited in, given tea and cake and spent more than an hour with the family who handed me dozens of photographs. I realise now they were propbably in shock. But they wanted to pour out their emotions to a stranger. That said I have, on other occasions, been threatened and verbally abused by people understandably stressed and in grief. The answer is to apologise and withdraw promptly. I don’t do this kind of work now and can’t say that I miss it. But it’s part and parcel of journalism. My further disappointment is the sloppy (and uncaring) way the industry operates nowadays, especially the nationals. Thanks for posting this item on your blog.
George Dearsley makes a good point about not assuming that relationship will be antagonistic. I did a piece a few years back about handling traumatised victims (I think it was for UKPG) and spoke to a lot of psychologists and counselors.
For some – and I stress some – people telling the story is part of the healing process – it is a catharsis and you may be helping them.
Of course for others they don’t want to talk about it at all. It requires delicate handling – and very astute personal skills.
But this is a very good posting, and one that I hope is widely circulated amongst newsrooms.
[...] The death knock What it's like to be at the receiving end of a death-knock. Nine-year-old nephew Jamie Bray died in a tragic accident last week, getting caught in a rope swing in his garden, breaking his neck in the fall and ending up hung by the rope. His uncle has described how his grieving sister who just wanted to be left to grieve in private was pestered by journalists. Not one newspaper checked the details even though the uncle a journalist had issued a statement The uncles moving blog HERE [...]
Hi Chris, first off my condolences to you and your family. I am so sorry to hear about such a tragic accident.
I can only hope that your story will drive home the point to all us media types that we could approach such stories in a more sensitive, compassionate manner, no matter how cynical, hard, or toughened we’ve become in this business.
So often we don’t really ever think that this will ever happen to us, and that we, when it does happen to us, we’ll be able to handle it easily.
Anyway, thank you so much for this reminder, and please pass my condolences on to your family.
With Regards
Stefan
Chris, so sorry to hear your sad news. I respect and so much admire your efforts to try and bring something positive from such tragedy. As the doting Dad of a 9 year old tomboy, I know how devastated I would be if anything happened to her.
Over 30 years ago, long before I became a photojournalist, I was also on the receiving end of a death-knock. I hope that the memory helped me act with decency and humanity when making such calls in later years.
Once again, my sympathies…
John
Very sad story Chris, my condolences.
I totally agree with your point about the death knock. It is a sick part of our trade that a death knock is seen as some kind of test for trainee and junior reporters to prove themselves. It is seen as a badge of honour to go and intrude on a families grief, with warm congratulations given to any journalist who comes back to the office with good quotes and a picture. Failure was not an option for my old news editors – if you didn’t get anything, you were sent back until you did – or risked a shouting down for not being “good enough” at your job.
It is the inherently macho and bullying culture in the media that gives rise to this in my opinion.
It is a mark of shame on our trade and the industry in general and it wouldn’t take much in the way of sensible co-operative working agreements around sensitive stories like this to ensure that packs of journalists don’t hound people in the depths of mourning and desperation.
Chris, I hope it goes without saying on this thread, but condolences to you and your family. What a sad loss and such a cheery looking boy.
This is also a very embarrassing indictment on national news. Well done for stepping up and shouldering the media side, and thank you for writing such an eye-opening piece. I hope you and the family get left alone.
Many condolences for such a heart-breaking accident. I hope your brave account helps some journalists learn greater sensitivity.
I’m sorry to hear about what happened, Chris. It’s an awful thing for any family to have to go through.
I’m a journalist myself, and I also work for Trans Media Watch, an organisation that monitors and aims to improve media treatment of transgender issues. As such I can entirely relate to what you say about the oddness, for a journalist, of seeing it from the other side. I’ve dealt with a few cases of bereaved families harangued for intimate details about their loved ones. Of course, the PCC is supposed to prevent this and is actually very good on harassment, but most ordinary people don’t know how to use it.
Your family is very fortunate to have had you there to deal with the press and reduce the amount of extra stress they had to deal with. Mind that you get space for yourelf too though, eh?
I just wanted to say how sorry I am about this tragedy in your family, and thank you for an excellent and well-written piece.
I’m so sorry to hear this. This article is actually horrific.
Chris, thanks for sharing your experience and my condolensces on your loss. You provide a great insight into something many people don’t know much about and hopefully very few people have to experience. Thank you once again for sharing.
Firstly, condolences to all your family at this awful time.
It’s this kind of reporting that nearly caused me to give up my journalism degree in my 3rd year. We had a talk by the father of one of the youngest victims of Hillsborough who described just this sort of thing happening to his family – and worse. Reporters talking their way into the family home by pretending to be friends-of-friends, then stealing photos from albums, and that sort of thing.
Unfortunately the mindset of *some* parts of the media is the story comes first…
I hope the media interest will subside soon and you can get on with dealing with your grief in private.
Really sorry to hear such sad news – condolences to you and your family.
It’s no wonder so many people have such poor opinions of the press, really.
Many condolences Chris, and echoing others’ comments on a thoughtful and insightful piece. Can’t have been easy to write. Your observations about how different local and national media deal with horrible stories like yours rings true also.
Take care.
[...] Chris Wheal recounts his experience of being on the receiving end of the ‘death knock’. What strikes me is this: Not a [...]
I’m astounded at the amount of focus on the way this was approached, and the issue of who was sent. For me, I’m disgusted this was ever considered a story.
If it was established that there was a potential risk for that model of swing, it would be essential that the public were made aware, with the minimal impact on the family, of course. If there were proven negligence on the part of the parents it would become a reportable incident.
These people are not celebrities, there is no reason to intrude upon their private lives for any reason, and certainly not at such a terrible time in thier lives.
Should the family wish the incident reported, the newspaper is a phone call away. It’s as simple as that.
I note Chris’s comment about the water gun – should I ever lose one of my children and be confronted by a reporter they should count themselves extremely lucky if a bit of horse’s wee is the worst of their problems.
Chris thank you for taking the time to write this piece at such a tough terrible time for your family.
It’s a sad situation when the response from the media is to throw money at a family in grief to get them to tell their story.
It does also raise the question as to how families cope who don’t have access to someone experienced with the press. Perhaps as an industry and a country we need to consider how much we have the ‘right’ to news especially when it is at the expense of a family’s privacy and chance to grief.
I am terribly sorry for your loss.
Chris,
Dreadful news and I extend my condolences for what they are worth in these circumstances.
I agree that your insight is valuable to our trade, seeing us as others do.
I do have to disagree with some of the comments about death knocks however. I did them for many years as a district reporter and was fortunate enough to never have been subject to pressure of the newsdesk to go back if you were refused the story/pic. There was trust that you had done the best job and it was not worth the aggro of offending the grieving relatives.
It was rare that I was turned away with and empty notebook and no pic.
My experience was that very often families were appreciative that the local paper was showing respect in coming down personally. It was especially poorer families that actually welcomed me in on a death knock as it was a way of giving meaning to the grief and informing others of what had happened in a responsible and articulate way.
The important thing is to give them the choice and if the answer is no, the door is closed and you walk away. I accept the pressures on some reporters, especially those working for agencies, may be different and where there is a scrum over the bigger stories but that is mainly about the manner in which contact is made and the number of times it is done.
Chris,
Condolences to your family – a dreadfully sad accident.
Thank you for sharing your story.
JK
Your picture of Jamie was so reminiscent of my own grandsons that I wept for his mother and in gratitude that life continues generous to our own family. Accidents like this happen within split seconds to beautiful children like Jamie everywhere. My condolences to his family. Let’s hope your efforts to persuade journalists to change their ways is effective with some at least and brings less pressure on other families suffering this sort of grief.
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m very sorry to hear of your loss.
The point I would make is that the mistake you made was to trust the police when dealing with your story.
They did not pro-actively put Jamie’s story in the public domain, therefore it was left to the off chance that when it did emerge the media would call the police.
Had you put the story out through PA, you would have given all the media the story and thus been able to manage the media.
Hampshire police are not in the business of managing the media well in my experience. I think you can feel most let down by them.
An interesting read and sorry for your family’s loss. It was learning about death knocks during my NCTJ that went part of the way towards me never pursuing a career in local news journalism after the course had finished.
[...] accident recently and Chris has been helping his family deal with the media response to the story. His blog is moving and thoughtful and, as NUJ organiser Chris Morley says in the comments and as Roy Greenslade says in his blog post [...]
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Condolences to your family for a great loss.
May be this can serve as a lesson to all media hacks that they to can become the story and with that in mind treat people as they want to be treated.
Thanks for highlighting this Chris. We had similarly unpleasant experiences with the press 21 years ago when our 6 year old daughter died in a drowning accident.
While my husband was still in intensive care, our neighbours were asked to give a journalist the key to our house so they could go in and take away a photo of her. Thankfully they refused. And it went on…I had never realised how close TV cameras get to you until we were trying to get into the inquest.
I’m sad to see that press treatment has made a terrible situation so much worse for Jamie’s family. Sincere condolences to all the family.
It is in the public’s interest to know the circumstances of this accident in order to prevent their own children suffering a similar fate. That is enough to warrant the press interest.
It’s a pity there was no reply to Chris Wheal’s piece on the BBC this morning – balanced journalism? I think not.
[...] press I wrote a blog yesterday morning about dealing with the media over my nephew's tragic death. The internet and [...]
It may be true that there is a public interest case to make, but that doesn’t excuse intrusive and insensitive treatment of this family by the press. Any safety issues can be highlighted once the necessary facts have been found, without the need for that.
Jane,
If you read my blog in detail, you will see that the police were unable to issue the pathologist details because they are not permitted to. They have to wait until the coroner has reported. Perhaps that is a flaw in the system too.
I had those details available and made them available to every journalist who contacted me. There was no no need to ask my sister personally.
And I think you are stretching it to suggest that getting the exact details that second was of such vital importance if amounted to the public interest.
Even if it was, does it require lots of journalists to queue up knocking on the door. Cold one do it and share the information with the others?
I’d be interested in if you think there could be a better way in the future. I have started a discussion on my next post Time to change http://www.chriswheal.com/time-to-change/
So sorry for your loss Chris. Your piece highlights for me what is the most dispiriting, despairing and unsettling part of journalism.
I’ve always hated being sent on a death knock. I often hope I am met with the torrent of abuse (not by horse piss though, I think I’d balk at that) and a slammed door than being welcomed in.
Regardless of how conscientious, empathic and respectful I try to be, I still feel awful being there. I’ve come away from a few in tears – especially when it’s children. I’ve got three of my own and always have the double fear of losing them, and then knowing full well there will be a version of me on my front door. On my first one, I remember even hugging a recently widow woman in a poor attempt to console her.
I do know that for some people, the process can be cathartic and it’s good to see them smile as they remember them during our talk. For many people, only surrounded by close family, it is the first chance for them to announce to the outside world why the person they’ve lost is so special, what their loss means to them and to others, a chance to announce that their passing isn’t a statistic, that they were a full human being with character, personality and attracted love from those around them. The first thing I always ask, though I haven’t done one for a while, is “tell me about him/her” – what were they like, were they funny, musical, did they have any odd ways or words, tell me stories about him/her and let me tell everyone else what they’ve unknowingly lost…
I can’t speak for all of reporter-dom, but from one reporter to another, I admire and respect what you’ve done and written. Thank you as well. (You’ve made me cry, you bugger.)
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